When You Can’t Avoid Them: Healthy Boundaries with the Nearest (And Not So Dearest)

There are certain people we simply can’t avoid. Family members we love but who drain us, colleagues we respect but who, from time to time, test the limit of what feels appropriate, and sometimes those from our childhood somehow manage to suck the energy all these years later.

Avoiding these people isn’t easy or realistic, and honestly, it’s not even (or should be) the main goal. What should be (in my humble opinion) is to stay true to yourself while navigating relationships you can’t just walk away from.

I’ve been there. Smiling through conversation I didn’t want to have. Saying ‘Yes’ to things I really didn’t want to, then replaying the whole thing in my head later thinking, “why, oh why didn’t I just honor myself and what I wanted!?”

Over the years, I’ve learned that setting boundaries isn’t selfish or rude. It’s the most caring thing you can do for yourself and the other person. If you’re like how I was and not sure where or how to start, let me help set you up with a few simple steps

Step 1: Get Clear With Yourself

Before you can set boundaries with anyone else, you need to know where your lines are. Ask yourself:

● What behaviors drain me?

● What am I okay with, and what’s a hard no?

● Where do I need more space to breathe?

When you’re clear with yourself, it’s easier to stay calm in the moment instead of spiraling into frustration afterward.

Step 2: Communicate Kindly but Firmly

Boundaries don’t need to sound harsh. Use “I” statements to share how you feel without blaming. For example:

“I feel overlooked when I’m interrupted in meetings. I’d appreciate being able to finish my thought.”

This way, you’re being respectful while still holding your ground.

Step 3: Show Consistency Through Action

Words alone won’t hold a boundary. If someone crosses the line, you may need to pause the conversation, say “no” directly, or limit access. The key is consistency. Boundaries stick when you reinforce them through action, not just intention.

Step 4: Choose Which Battles Matter

Not every little thing deserves your energy. Let the small stuff slide. But when a behavior becomes repetitive or starts breeding resentment, that’s your cue to address it.

Step 5: Keep in mind that their emotions do not belong to you.

Here’s the tough part: sometimes people won’t like your boundaries. They might push back, get upset, or even become defensive. That’s okay. You can acknowledge their feelings without abandoning your own. Respecting yourself doesn’t mean you don’t care about them — it means you care about both of you.

Why This Matters

Boundaries aren’t walls, they’re doors. They keep relationships open while protecting your energy. When you hold healthy boundaries, you preserve your energy, show up more authentically, and you create space for real, sustainable connection.

At the end of the day, you can’t control whether people align with your limits. However, you can control how you show up. Protect your peace, your energy, and your voice. That’s how you keep relationships healthy. Especially the ones you can’t avoid.